The stress of a career decision is the principle reason people become my clients and at least once a week I’m consoling and coaching someone suffering from “bunny in the headlights” syndrome. They’re frozen in place because they don’t know which option to choose and the longer they wait, the more stressed they become. It’s a cycle that feeds on itself as the waiting leads to more stress and the stress leads to more waiting. In the meantime, the clock ticks on.

Here are some ideas that may help you the next time you find yourself stuck in a decision-making dilemma:

Consider how you’re wired to make decisions, then take the steps that will provide you with the information that fits YOUR decision-making style.

Although we take for granted that all decisions are made in our minds, at least half of us are pre-set to make our important decision with our hearts/gut. You’ll be poorly served by trying to select “the smart” or “the practical” choice if you’re a heart-driven decider. Now, I’m not advocating making impulsive, unwise choices with potentially bad consequences, like I see many of my younger friends make. But, too often we ignore or discount our sense of “what seems right” for ourselves because we fear it’s not practical or safe enough.

In these situations I find it’s often good to reconnect with your heart and even with your passions. For the heart-driven decision-maker it is rarely sufficient to use hypothetical information, they need to experience something to see if it resonates with their heart. That’s why I tell young clients to visit college campuses before choosing, and most of my career clients to arrange internships, job-shadowing, or investigative interviews with people in the fields that interest them. Heart-connecting experiences are essential to make heart- driven decisions.

On the other hand, I see many great analytical decision makers become frozen because they can’t determine the “right” or “best” steps, priorities, or criteria for making the decision. Without a playbook or manual that tells them “how to” they get stuck in a “paralysis by analysis” conundrum and suddenly, people who are usually clear and decisive thinkers will find themselves unable or unwilling to make a move. They just can’t determine “the best” answer.

The quick answer in these situations might seem to be “get more information”, but too often that just makes the problem worse by feeding more alternatives into the decision-making mill.

Psychologist Albert Ellis noted that many of us get stuck because we fear making a decision that leads to an unwanted outcome. He termed the approach ‘awfulizing’ because we tell ourselves “it will be awful if…” (In this case, the paralyzed analyzer would say, “It will be awful if I make the wrong decision, because that will lead to __________.” And insert the horrible outcome they fear.) Ellis proposed that most often these negative outcomes are unlikely to happen but seem real because they’re based on some irrational beliefs we’ve adopted.

In these situations the analytical decider actually ignores one of their greatest strengths – making clear, well-thought decisions. Most often life doesn’t deliver us “best” options and sequential steps for our important decisions, but frequently provides information that’s “good enough” to reach reasonable conclusions. The key to breaking out of paralysis by analysis most often is to choose from the available “good enough” alternatives, without fearing “the awful”, and then let life run its course.

The next time you find yourself agonizing over some decision ask yourself “Am I wired to be a heart or head decision-maker?” Then take the steps that will help you make your decision in the way that work best for you. The people around you may not understand because they’re not wired like you or have had different life experiences. But this is your life, isn’t it?

No one does all things well.

We each intuitively know this. In fact, its why we often distrust businesses and products that claim they will give us the lowest price, best service, best selection, most reliable vehicles, highest owner satisfaction, and on and on. That’s also the reason I get amused by job openings that list “multi-tasking” as a preferred skill. It’s just not possible to do it all well – something’s going to get less attention and possibly suffer.

Still, we often get discouraged or frustrated when we find ourselves struggling to do it all AND do it well.

I see this often in the lives of my clients who force themselves through balancing their bank account or checkbook, promote their business, organize their workplace or business systems or home or life. They hate it, know they have to do it, but often would be better off finding an alternative way to get things done. So, the next time you find yourself starting to do a project at work or home you might want to ask yourself questions like these:

What will I be able to do quickly and easily?

What kinds of tasks might I need to get instruction, guidance, or some kind of help to complete?

How might the time I spend forcing myself through these tasks be better used and/or enjoyed?

Do I consider my time (our most precious resource) to be as valuable as my money?

What important aspect of my life am I neglecting because I’m forcing myself through this Urgent task?

Where am I better off cutting my losses by enlisting friends, family, or even hiring someone to do the task for me?

In addition to simply getting tasks done, are there other, equally important payoffs I need – such as a sense of a achievement, tangible evidence that my work is well done, knowledge that I’m making a difference or impacting someone’s life, or a sense of connection to my coworkers?

The point is this: each of us is born with a specific set of strengths and gifts but rather than maximizing these too many of us poor time, energy, and money into forcing ourselves through those tasks we weren’t even made to do.

In my work with career clients and business managers I routinely explore how they can best use their strengths and where they should consider alternative strategies for life and work. I’d be glad to talk with you about how you can do the same in your life.

Look at Self-Help shelves at your local bookstore and you’ll find hundreds of titles focused on three steps or seven steps to this and the principles of that (fill in your own blank). We find ourselves in a relentless pursuit of the instant answer or secret to change. We want to make life work for us here, now.

A Career Path isn’t something that allows us to simply take information, apply it at the appropriate times and in the best ways, and presto-chango, have that new life we’ve always wanted. Finding your vocational identity is a part of a larger process or journey – finding your true self, your true identity.

My friend Jeff used to say that until his kids were grown and out of the house, all his vacations were going to be family trips – his role as a parent would always limit the amount of rest and relaxation he would experience during the journey. To the contrary, he found the memorable parts of those trips usually showed up in the unexpected, but not always pleasant, surprises that popped up along the way.

When I’m helping people determine their career fit I’m always clear that we won’t find magic answers that zip them to their ultimate destination, but we will find clear signs about what they were meant to do and how they can pursue their path in a way that fits them. Career coaching won’t reduce the mysteries nor eliminate the dangers involved in pursuing your true self but it does provide a map showing how you were meant to travel, where the hazards lie along your path and, perhaps, some good insights about your ultimate destination.

I’m often intrigued about how often people come to me expecting some massive revelation or epiphany about their career path that will forever put to rest their search for fit in life. It is as if they want to deny something they already know – that a life’s Calling is deeper and more profound than simply finding the right job. There is something greater to us than our work, something that longs to know at the end of the day and at the end of our lives that the things to which we gave our energies were of great consequence in the world.

I’ve worked with hundreds of people to help them find their best fit in a career or job, but I’m not deceived. The answers to the great questions, “Why am I here?”, “Does my life really matter?”, and “What is my purpose in this world?” can only be found in part through the Career Coaching process. In fact, I suspect that my most successful clients, if asked, would tell me the information they discovered in the process was incredibly useful and resolved many of their career and life questions, but was insufficient to answer the great questions.

To answer the great questions we have to know what questions to ask and how and whom to ask them or we will find ourselves receiving insufficient, frustrating, and too often misleading direction through life. In the film “I Robot”, Detective Del Spooner thinks he is solving a murder, but is actually pursuing several truths about himself and his world. In one scene he interrogates a holographic image of murder victim, Dr. Alfred Lanning, only to be frustrated by the projection’s answer of “My responses are limited… You must ask the right question.”

The information we discover in the Career Coaching process is important, perhaps even essential. “How are you gifted?”, “What are your strengths?”, “What are your life goals and priorities?”, and “What do these tell us about the jobs that fit you?” will all provide powerful clues to help you understand your calling, but they aren’t sufficient to reveal the whole truth of who you are and what you’re here for.

So, what are the other questions you need to ask and where should you be looking for those answers? In Dr. Lanning’s words, “That, detective, is the right question.”

But to get those you will have to wait until the next time I write.

For some time we’ve been approached by parents concerned that their student will flounder in college trying to determine what major and career path they should pick. With years spent helping with homework; weeks of ACT & SAT preparation; hours of completing applications and keeping up with deadlines; even more hours of writing that all-important essay; not to mention remembering and compiling all their extracurricular activities, community service, honors and awards, parents invest an extraordinary amount of time, energy and money in a child’s future.

Now, just by TAKING A FEW HOURS to learn more about themselves – their personality, their natural strengths, their interests, and their long-term desires and goals – a student can identify a college major and a career path that provides the best defense against becoming yet another higher education casualty and a greater opportunity to achieve the fulfilled life of their dreams, as well as providing their parent the best way to insure an investment in their future.

College Quick-Start^© (CQS) helps your student define college majors and careers that will best fit THEM. CQS accomplishes this by providing individualized career-coaching services, including an Occupational Fit Analysis and Job Interest Inventory, and three sessions with Dr. Jim Bailey. In addition, all CQS families get face-to-face explanations of college majors and careers that best fit their student.

Contact Dr. Jim Bailey at (865)755-4543, or by e-mail at directions1@gmail.com to find out more about College Quick-Start^© today.

Face-to-face meetings facilitated by a mutual contact are incredibly effective tools to building new business relationships and learning about new career and business opportunities. This makes the tasks of developing and maintaining healthy interpersonal networks crucial to the success of the average job-seeker. “Informal” personal networks build new relationships through the leverage of transferred credibility – someone who knows you well and can vouch for your competence and character connects you with someone who knows them well and takes them seriously. In a sense, you gain credibility by virtue of someone else’s reputation.

I spend a lot of time helping my career clients set up and use a job-finding network because there are many ways to do it, and just as many ways to do it poorly or wrong. Here are some helpful ideas that can improve your odds:

Avoid couching the meeting as an opportunity to find a job. Think of it as an “information interview” designed to learn more about your contact and her business.

Keep the conversation and your questions “open-ended” to allow room for new leads and serendipity connections to arise. Directly asking someone whether they have an opening is usually a bad idea.

Develop a clear idea of who you are and the value you can bring to a company, not just what you’ve done.  The Latin phrase Nosce Te Ipsum literally means “Know Thyself”. Taking time to creating a concise presentation of your strengths and skills, and limitations so you can talk frankly about them in conversation allows you to craft the impression you make on a contact.

Eliminate unwanted roles from your résumé. The remarkable thing about most résumés is that people include roles and responsibilities that they would never want to perform again because they believe being inclusive will increase their chance of getting a job. You can include a position in your work history without making it look like you want to do it again.

These are just a few ideas. For more information about networking for jobs contact me.

As he grew older and more capable, he built a display case for his trumpet. It was a fine wood box with a glass door and carved pegs to hold his trumpet in the best position for viewing by visitors to his room. When he grew older and set up his own home he moved the trumpet to a prominent place, so he could impress his friends with this most precious possession.

And so it went, with the years interrupted by the occasional polishing or dusting of the display box. Until one day he happened to bring a very important girl to his home; a girl he wanted so badly to impress and with whom to share his affections, including his beautiful silver trumpet.

Much to his delight she was impressed. She remarked about the beauty of the wood and glass box he’d made for its display and protection. She cooed over the trumpet’s bright polish and coolness under her touch. He was sure she shared all of the feelings he’d held for this trumpet throughout his life, and began to think she’d share his other affections, aspirations, and dreams as well.

Then, she asked the boy, now become a man, to play her a song. But he had never learned to play his silver trumpet.

You and I have each been given unique gifts, instruments to join in the symphony of life. We each are in one of four camps of players, and the contribution our lives make to the song will be determined by our choice.

Some never discern or discriminate the exact nature of their gift – whether it’s brass, woodwind, percussion, or string, and the symphony is less beautiful due to their absence.

Some mistakenly pick the wrong instrument and try with all their might to play it well, but it never sounds just right, it’s always just a half-measure off.

Some pick up the instrument they were born to play, but only practice halfheartedly, so the sound never becomes what it was meant to be, full and passionate.

Then there are those few who, whether by accident or providence, correctly pick their instrument and practice its’ playing with discipline or devotion or dogged perseverance, and the cosmos will resound with the beauty of their playing.

The New Packages include:

Compact College Major & Career Coaching for Students (Testing & 5 sessions)
1/2 Day College Major and Career Selection Workshops for Students
Individualized Job Searching Coaching (Testing and 5 sessions)
Individualized Job / Life Fit Coaching (Individualized sessions as requested)
Individualized Business Leadership / Management Coaching (As requested)
1/2 & Full Day Team Dynamics Workshops for Businesses and Organizations
Marriage/Relational Dynamics Coaching for Couples (Individualized or Group)
Individualized Life / Goal Planning (Testing and 5 sessions)

In the near future I’ll be adding a page listing these services on my website. In the meantime, if you know someone who has considered working with me (or needs to) then please pass this news along to her or him.

I look forward to the opportunity to provide solid information and individualized direction to a larger audience.

How we answer “who am I” is… at the core of how we define and apply meaning to our lives – our identity. “Who am I” is also a question that demands one unified answer, a consistent integrity. Yet, we so often separate how we think about ourselves into fragments defined by the roles we play, such as: employee, spouse, friend, teammate, and more.

But letting your life circumstances and your life roles define your sense of who you are leaves you vulnerable when those circumstances change and the roles that had become comfortable are no longer there. Many of us have seen friends (or ourselves) battle depression or come close to despair after losing a job, a marriage, an important relationship, status, or some other basis for identity that can’t endure a change in circumstances. There is a danger inherent in letting your life and what you do define your sense of who you are.

A friend recently shared his belief that living an intentional life starts with a core understanding of who we are. Then, based on that understanding we should establish a vision for what we think/want/hope our lives to be. With that vision established, as life’s realities confront us we alter our strategies for dealing with life based on attaining that vision and maintaining that core sense of who we are. I think there’s truth in this approach to living.

I often tell my friends that vocational identity is simply a part of the larger, seamless cloth called Identity, and should never really be thought of as a separate, unrelated thing. Ultimately my goal for each of my clients is to give her or him some portion of that core identity that will inform their lives. Then, with that core established she or he can determine what it means to live out of who they are and intentionally pursue work that fits their life-vision.

It’s an intentional approach to living and working that really works.

So, tell me about yourself?